Sunday, August 9

#32 - name change


For months you have been pestered on your cellphone by telemarketers. The calls have become so frequent that they are even bothersome when you ignore all unknown phone numbers. And though at first the conversations carried some modicum of politeness and common courtesy, those on the other line have become increasingly belligerent as of late (when you happen to unwittingly take the call). You often feel strangely shaken after hanging up.

This is happening to nobody else you know, and when you decide to investigate further you learn of the purported existence of a mysterious telemarketing call list. The list includes roughly 0.01% of the United States population and is shrouded in secrecy. Though you cannot find concrete evidence that the list exists, those who claim it does say that there is no way to have your name removed. There are plentiful conspiracy theories that attempt to explain why the list was created (many think it is simply a social experiment), but everything you hear and read leads you to believe that your name is on this list and that you will need to take some action to stop being hounded.

The nagging calls have persisted even after two changes of phone number, so you finally conclude that your only option is to change your name. You plan to select a new first and last name and figure that you will try to start going by that name even amongst friends and family, to minimize confusion between what others call you and your legal name (shown on mail, identification, and any legal documents). What do you choose as your new name?

4 comments:

Stephanie said...

holy crap. this is more than a thought lab. it's an identity lab. hmmm ... can you steal someone else's name?

Matt said...

I don't see any reason you could not choose someone else's name, though you'd have to deal with whatever situations might arise because of it.

I've always liked the name Charlie since I was a kid. And I like Russian last names even though I have no Russian in my background.

Charlie Chekov?

When the rubber met the road, I'd probably try to choose something that would preserve my last name's silent "H".

Angela said...

In doing some research at work, I came across a medical article with the author "Niels Wondergem." For no particular reason, that would be my new name. AWESOME! I know it's the wrong gender, but whatever. I would probably adopt a British accent to go along with it.

Amy said...

Ever since reading 'Little Women' in 4th grade I always wanted to be Jo (full name: Josephine). She was so strong willed and so easily followed her desires without worrying about others judgments of her. Also, I like ambiguously gendered names, and it falls into that category as well.

As for a last name...hmmm. That is much harder. Perhaps I would just take our original italian last name Rossi. I've been wanting to bring that back for a while and this could be my chance.