Sunday, February 22

#8 - haircuts


You are at your doctor's office one afternoon for a checkup. Near the end of the session you are asked if you have been experiencing anything out of the ordinary. You respond by saying that you hair and scalp have been feeling sort of "tingly" lately. The sensation has been a minor annoyance over the last few weeks, and you can't recall feeling anything similar in the past. The doctor does not seem overly concerned, but takes a hair sample for testing to confirm that nothing serious is going on.

The results that come back from the lab are interesting to say the least. While your hair at present is growing normally and will continue to grow, it seems that somehow it has been altered in such a way that if cut, an individual strand of hair will never again exceed its new length. If a hair falls out or is pulled from your scalp, the follicle will still regrow the hair, but it will never grow longer than its most recently cut length.

The implications of this begin to sink in. If you were to buzz your hair, you would never again be able to grow it out any longer than that.

You pepper your doctor with questions, but there's not much else known about your condition (though it does appear that no other part of your body is affected, just the top of your head). Based on these developments, what is your hairstyle strategy from here on out?

9 comments:

Sheila said...

Having regretted my most recent haircut, I think I'd have to go with it pretty long.. although, not too long, since I can always get extensions :-p You can always put it back or change it's color. The hard question for the ladies would be bangs or no bangs... no one wants to have Cher-hair forever, but when bangs are out of style, they are way out of style! I think I'd have to default to long bangs and hope it covers a multitude of sins.

Now, I'd wonder for the men - if this applies to hair, does it also apply to sideburns?

Andrew said...

This is easy. I want my hair to stay the length of its most recent cut forever. It saves ever having it cut again. And it would constantly look as good as it does immediately after a cut. Everyone's a winner.

#3 all over please.

mikeygee said...

So, let me just say that this would mostly just annoy me if this was reality because I don't want to think about my hair that much.

However, I'd also be relieve to control my hair length because this means I would no longer be losing my hair...

I think probably I would grow it out long when I first discovered this. I always wondered how I'd look but figured it would look bad. Then, if it does look bad, I would find the most talented hair stylist (after exhaustive research) and tell them my situation and tell them to do their best. Nothing too fashionable since styles change. I'd pay top dollar since it would be my last haircut ever.

And if the stylist does a bad job, then I can just get it cut super short and look OK.

HeatherR64 said...

I guess I'd have to have it long enough to put in a ponytail for laziness' sake, but as short as possible aside from that.

I generally don't like bangs unless they're able to be swept out of the way if you don't want them, so if anything, a lengthy sort of side-bang.

If I were rich, I'd probably chop most of it off and have awesome wigs and extensions and such, but, that is not the case...

reyn said...

I've had the same haircut since high school; cowlicks, a strangely shaped head, and the peculiar texture of my hair make any other 'do unfeasible. The real problem is finding someone capable of actually cutting properly. I can't remember the last time I got a haircut when they got everything right. There's always something too long, too short, it's cut too high around the ears, or the sideburns are buggered. Then, thanks to this peculiar new condition, I'd be stuck with it for life.

Matt said...

Mike, I didn't mean to imply that this condition would put a halt to any impending baldness. Since hair falls out naturally and regrows, I meant that this process would continue, provided the follicle was going to regrow the hair and not lie dormant.

Other than that though, I am totally on board with your post.

I'd let my hair get shaggy one last time while I researched a timeless style, erring on the side of more length. Then I'd find a top notch barber or stylist. Since I'm only looking at one or two more haircuts for the rest of my life, I'd be willing to spend money. It's not worth risking a mistake from novice scissors. But wherever I went to get it cut, I'd still be nervous throughout. It'd be the standard apprehension of the barber's chair, multiplied.

And sideburns are a gray area. They'd be pretty easy to test though. Grow them out longer than you'd ever wear them and cut them down to size to see what happened.

Amy said...

I would have to agree. I don't want a new stylist for my 'everlasting' cut. In making the decision of which cut to choose I think versatility would be paramount in my decision making, even over the 'classic-ness' of the cut. I want to be able to do a lot with it.

But even with a best case scenario cut, I think that this would be really hard for me. I appreciate change in my hair. In fact my S.O.P. is to cut it really short and then grow it out really long. I repeat this process over and over to various degrees/extremes (though my most recent has been the greatest extreme I think I will ever experience). I don't like sticking to one look, and I specifically like the feeling of newness that accompanies a drastic change.

Derek Timothy said...

Be adventurous. Go to the nearest BestCuts or Great Clips or Supercuts, don't tell them your condition, and say "do whatever you want."

Derek Timothy said...

Sure - I thought it was a funny idea.